I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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