walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
