I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
