the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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