YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your penis caused this!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
