So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
