I just cut my nipple shaving
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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