hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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