she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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