We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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