I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
