If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
