i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
