your parents love me but you hate me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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