kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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