it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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