when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
