god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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