I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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