just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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