Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
