hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
