This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
