My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
