Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
