Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
did i just pee glitter
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
