I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
