I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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