he wants to bone in the snuggie
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
