Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize