$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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