I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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