I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Randomize
