Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
