Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
