Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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