it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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