So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
