she smelled like a LAN party
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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