I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
