just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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