2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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