Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
