Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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