it wasn't lemon gatorade
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
