none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize