...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
