I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
