sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
