So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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