did you get engaged???
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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