we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
