I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
