Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
