If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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