I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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