Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
