I'm really into asian looking animals
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
