Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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