This is not my ceiling
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
