apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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