I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
