Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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