Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
