My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
