I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
