Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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