She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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