I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
