why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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